Entry 227: Sebak

my 1st post for 2011! hehe .. tharu sebenarnya, bila ada d kalangan rakan2 yg bbm n gitau, "Happy New Year! May this year be very kind to you. jgn sedih2 lg tau! It's an order!" haha .. siapa kah itu? biarlah rahsia .. mereka yg bkenaan plak, klu terbaca entry ni, please diam kan diri .. hehe .. it's a request .. not an order! haha .. it's cool when we know, there are somebody care about us .. sentimental lah plak! kwang kwang kwang ..

x dinafikan, 2010 baru je lepas .. tp 365 hari yg lalu, sudah cukup n mampu mengubah seseorg .. tetapi, bagi aku, aku mungkin masih seperti aku dulu2 .. pemalu n x byk bcakap .. bkawan pun x ramai .. masih lg bujang trang tang tang sampai la ni .. entah .. maybe coz aku x cukup matang .. walaupun aku dah 28 n tahun 2011 akan menjadi saksi yg aku akan jd 29 tahun, still i never see myself as somebody mature .. people say, mingle around with all ages .. it might make u more mature .. but well, i am trying to .. but, seems like it takes so much time n maybe, maybe i absorb some of the qualities in a very small portion .. as i am the smallest portion among friends! wakakaka ..

now, put aside maturity part .. i always see myself, always think negatively .. n even some of my friends told me this .. why, i never or barely can think positive? for years, i have been trying to change my mind setting .. maybe changed a bit .. but not as what i aspect .. i want to make my own decision on big problems ..

people always n only some see me as someone cool .. relax .. am i? don't simple judge a book, by it covers .. i might be someone with masks! i am i think .. not one, but a lot masks .. i never see myself as cool .. never as someone kind .. and never see myself as clever .. i am nothing .. i am very small .. n i am sometime useless! i will always try .. keep trying .. n still trying to be someone .. useful .. not only for friends n family, but everyone in a whole ..

the biggest quality i always want to brush up n upgrade, will be try to be someone confidence! ever since school! i am lack of confidence .. people might say that i am negative! but, hey! i am who i am ..

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